Assalamualaikum and Selamat Malam 🙂

Papa… I miss you so much. How I wish you were here with me. But Allah loves you more, just as I love the Almighty. Papa, it has already been eight years since you left, yet Angah still cannot move on. Every year, I celebrate your birthday. Sometimes I feel jealous of my friends… they still have their fathers. But I don’t blame fate. I accept this qadar, though it feels so lonely without you. Papa always gave me everything I wanted, and you never once disappointed me.

I still remember how you used to ask me to report every little thing about Mama where she went, with whom, what she bought. But that was back then. Now, things are different. Mama is much stricter than you were. But I also remember your words: “Mama garang dengan anak-anak sebab dia nak yang terbaik untuk mereka. Ingat, garang macam mana pun Mama, dia tetap Mama Angah.”

Your voice still echoes in my ears: “Angah kena belajar pandai-pandai, masuk universiti, kerja besar. Papa tak pandai, papa tak masuk U. Papa belajar sampai SPM je. Papa tak nak anak-anak papa jadi macam Papa. Papa sanggup cari duit untuk Angah belajar. Duit senang nak cari, ilmu susah nak dapat. Bila orang bagi belajar free, buatlah yang terbaik. Papa tahu anak Papa pintar.”

And today, Alhamdulillah, I’ve fulfilled one of your dreams. I made it to university, just like you wanted. Even if you’re watching from above, I hope you’re proud. Angah will do whatever it takes for our family’s happiness. I push myself every day to achieve the dreams you left behind.

I’ll never forget your final words before you left us: “Angah kena jaga Mama, Kakak, dan adik-adik. Kalau Mama sakit, jaga Mama macam Angah jaga Papa kat hospital. Bimbing adik-adik ke jalan Allah. Walau susah macam mana pun, jangan berpisah dengan family. Walau terdesak macam mana pun, jangan pernah minta sedekah dari orang.” Those words will always stay in my heart.

Angah is not extraordinary. I’m not a heroine in some drama, nor a superhero everyone knows. I’m just an ordinary person who prays to Allah for strength to go through this difficult journey.

InsyaAllah, Papa, I’ll keep doing my best. People will always talk, but I’ll stay strong. Papa, maybe by now you’ve already reunited with Abang. Please take care of each other there. I’ll do my best here to protect and care for our family. One day, we’ll meet again in Jannah, Papa… and Abang. InsyaAllah. Please wish me luck here. I love both of you so much.

Rest peacefully there. Angah will always pray for Papa and Abang. May Allah place both of you among the righteous and the believers.

Al-Fatihah.

Assalamualaikum 🙂